So. Whats So Wrong With Sexually Fetishizing Transgender People?
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I believe the mentality of sexualizing and fetishizing transgender people, trans women in particular, derive mostly from the porn industry. I mean, let’s face it, how many cisgender men who sexualize and fetishize us have met a real-life trans woman in their life or have personally delved into the real transgender world?
From my viewpoint, a fetish is something you participate in. You know, like BDSM, cosplay, cuckolding, voyeurism. Or the fetishes of inanimate objects such as blow-up love dolls, pocket vaginas, dildos, lingerie, ropes— y’know, standard kink stuff. However, fetishizing a human for their body parts is quite the different story, especially us marginalized trans men and woman.
Don’t get me wrong, cisgender women are sexualized too. Big time! But most cisgender men know and interact daily with real-life cisgender women aside from sexualizing them from their views of porn videos. They have mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, daughters, nieces, women co-workers, the list goes on and on. But most cisgender men don’t have the outlet to observe and associate with trans women on a daily basis other than in porn. And if not porn, then they probably have no outlet at all.
Sadly, a lot of cisgender men don’t really want that real-life connection with a transgender person. Except to sexually fantasize about us; which in turn often evolves into sexualizing us; which in turn creates a fetish to have sexual contact with us.
Do all cisgender men sexually fetish us? Of course not. There are many cis men who are very skoliosexual/transamorous who love us regardless of our body parts and without the desire to see our bodies as a sexual fetish.
But, what about those cis men who claim they love us, adore us, but still have a fethish for us? So. What’s so wrong with sexually fetishizing transgender people?
Let’s start with the porn industry. Trans porn is extremely popular and has been for decades! It’s no wonder we are seen as sexual objects. Fuck, I watch porn too. In fact I love porn. So maybe I understand more than the average cisgender man would give me credit for. But I also know for a fact that the tranny porn they watch is nothing like real life. Fuck, I am trans and I know first hand (no pun intended) that all those big-dicked top trannies must be super-duper testosterone filled to keep a hard-on like that! Yeah, I guess it’s very possible to get wood like that with the help from Viagra and other hard-on pills. But you know what? That is really not normally the case with estrogen filled trans women — at any age.
The cisgender men who get-off by the top action of trannies gives a false narrative that transgender women can actually fuck them. This misinformation can be very dangerous to a trans woman who wouldn’t be able to perform such sexual acts. Nor would a lot of trans want to.
In severe cases, trans women are often targets and violent victims of some cis men who see them as nothing more than a sexual fetish. Imagine being a disposable sexual object to a unknowingly psychopath who physically harms or even kills their sexual fetish to keep themselves from being seen as gay! This is real shit! And many states still recognize the trans panic defense!
I want to quote this excerpt from Mila Madison;
“ There is nothing quite as puzzling as the concept of the trans chaser. For those who are not in the know, a trans chaser is someone who is interested in a transgender person solely based on the fact that they are transgender. Mostly comprised of men who consider themselves ‘straight’ but are attracted to trans women who look female and have male genitalia. There are also female chasers while trans men and non-binary people can also be found in the crosshairs of a chaser. The aspirations of the chaser are usually rooted in fetishism and they are perpetuated by the growing transgender porn industry. Trans porn is the fastest growing sector in pornography. It uses derogatory terms such as t-girl, tranny, ladyboy and shemale, words often used by a chaser when pursuing a transgender woman. Transgender chasers are said to see trans women and men as objects of their fetish or fantasy. Normally they do not see the person inside. Their only interest is usually sex and the fulfillment of a fantasy. Some scour Internet groups, focus groups and community centers with the hopes of feeding that fantasy. They use social media sites like Instagram and Facebook to find transgender people and message them. The chaser is often viewed as creepy and stalker like. Many trans people have experienced the advances of a chaser in some shape or form. The perplexing and ironic part of the trans chaser is that they are interested in the one thing that many trans people hate most about themselves. That is usually pre-operative genitalia. This is one of the biggest issues the trans community has with chasers. Most of us want to be seen as who we are and not as an object or the very thing we dislike most about ourselves”.
I want to also quote this excerpt by Charley Reid;
“The right to one’s own identity is something still being fought for in many marginalized communities, and when something so precious is reduced to a thing, a thing desired solely for sexual pleasure, it hurts in a very deep way. This is what can happen when a transgender person encounters a “chaser” — someone who has a ’fetish’ for transgender bodies. Those who fetishize transgender bodies are participating in a culture of transphobia that deems our bodies as important solely when they’re sexualized. The act of ‘chasing’ is, indeed, rooted in a cultural assumption that the only reason someone could want to be with a trans person is because of a sexual fetish”.
But let’s explore other reasons why a transgender person wouldn’t want to be seen as a sexual fetish. I’ve asked some of my real-life friends and social media transgender friends if they would share their feelings on ‘what’s so wrong with sexually fetishizing transgender people’.
Below are their responses;
Kendra —Trans Woman — 56 yo
“The biggest problem with it is- for those that fought, blood sweat and tears to show we are just human, that are still fighting for our rights even at risk to their own safety…it does them and everyone else a disservice…we are no longer just human but we are as they always thought we were- simply a fetish”.
Josephine — Trans Woman
“It makes us an object and not a person. It rejects us as someone who has feelings, and as someone to be valued for who they are.”
Katherine — Trans Woman —44 yo
“First, I want someone to be attracted to me because of who I am, not because of my medical history. Being attracted to me because I’m trans makes me feel less than. Secondly, often what people are fetishizing is a part of a trans woman’s body that many trans women want to get rid of or are not comfortable with. Third, there’s some real questions around safety if you’re someone’s fetish. It feels like your purpose in that relationship is to fulfill a need, which doesn’t lend itself to a lot of empathy.”
Alejandra — Trans Woman — 28 yo
“Well, I like people wanting to be with me/sleep with me because they like ME/are attracted to ME, not just because I’m trans and they think that’s inherently kinky or some bullshit.”
Kia — Trans Woman — 22 yo
“It invalidates us. People already think we’re men in dresses so if you let them say, “Oh it’s just a fetish,” we won’t get the civil rights and liberties we’re striving for.”
Freyja — Trans Woman — 54 yo
“It boils down to commodification. If someone approaches me wanting a particular experience, and not because they are interested in me personally, then what does that make me? Not that that isn’t valid for someone who wants to provide those services, but many of us are looking for relationships. Whether they are casual or intimate, what they are not, is characterized by treating us as a commodity. And yes, there is definitely the safety factor. I feel this most acutely with cis, nominally heterosexual and perhaps a bit closeted men. Besides their tendency to commodify, I’d be concerned about them regretting their actions and becoming violent as a way to dispel ‘the gay’.”
Adaline— Trans Woman — 49 yo
“It robs us of dignity and objectifies our lives. I’m sure there are some t girls that like the kinkiness of it but there are some cis girls that like to be viewed as nothing but a toy for others to play with, as well. My life, love and attention are reserved for someone worthy not someone that fails to even see me as a person.”
Sebastian— Trans Male— 29 yo
“Because you are a human and a fetish is by defintion not. It’s fine to be attracted to my body, but if you are more interested in my packaging than what is inside that is not okay. Being trans has nothing to do with it, but having a label makes some creeps easier to identify….since they will refer to my label more than me.”
Ricki — Trans Woman — 36 yo
“Typically fetishes are things. You are not a thing. People that see us as a fetish are the most dangerous. I may be a trans woman but I’m a woman. Not a sexual fetish. I deserve respect and I shouldn’t be seen as just a sexual object.”
David — Cis Male — 48 yo
“As I am currently a cis-male and exploring my genderfluid side, this is where I am coming from. I don’t believe any person should be a fetish. An action that is performed on you or to another with consent is okay to be considered a fetish. I personally believe if you find an individual in a fetish way, you have no right to be with that person. Like I said, you have a fetish with actions that they perform on you or you can perform on them, that is all good. Don’t be confused there is a difference. Personally, since I can remember, I have looked at a trans woman as a woman, (okay once I started having my own thoughts and not listening to what others were saying when I was young). My wanting to be with them has nothing to do with the pornographic sexual side. Not to say that I’m not a dominant top and love to have a sub bottom. But that would not matter what gender someone identified as. In closing, I find it disgusting when people look at others as a fetish. Or knowingly and willingly misgender someone”.
Sharon — Transssexual and Inter-sex (Female XXY) — 63 yo
“I suppose that, with much of life, it is in the eyes of the beholder. You may see nothing wrong with being someone’s fetish if that is how you perceive is your role in intimacy. Seems that, among the general consensus of the greater Trans Community, a Trans person being someone’s fetish reduces that Trans person to nothing more than an inanimate object that anyone can purchase at an ‘adult’ store. There are many among the Cis persuasion who think that Transssexual is a kink, a form of sexuality. I suppose. I guess that there are some people who desire to be anatomically mutilated as a sexual experience. None of those concepts are me.”
Xander — Cis Male — 37 yo
“It’s less of it being a preference and more of it being a “you only exist for sexual gratification” thing. You see them less as people and more as sexual objects. That’s what people complain about.”
Tyger — Trans Woman — 33 yo
“It’s incredibly dehumanizing, invalidating, and distills my existence down to my sexual preferences and fetishes. Especially as most fetishizing behavior I’ve encountered tries to make me out as a man pretending to be a woman for someone else’s sexual pleasure or insecurity. If someone can’t respect me as a person outside of a scene or sexual encounter, we have nothing to talk about.”
